Hello? No, I'm sorry, we would not be interested in interviewing you. This is a music magazine, and we only interview -- Yes, I know you have a video out but that doesn't make you -- No, I don't want to be your friend and play golf with you. Goodbye, Mr. Simpson.
Now, where was I?
Elvis impersonators. Of course, we all love those ubiquitous clones of the king, but I was surprised to find out recently that Presley is not the only one so honored.
There are also - believe it or not - Abba impersonators. (For those of you who never turn your radio off the C&W station, Abba was a popular Swedish band of the 1970's, famous for such simple but catchy tunes as "Waterloo" and "Knowing Me, Knowing You."). If you can't get enough Abba, get out your tie-dye polyester leisure suit, Bjorn Again or one of the other clone bands will hit your local venue soon.
This got me thinking though.
Why aren't there more country clone acts? I know I would pay good money to see a Webb Pierce impersonator. Or Dave and Sugar. Johnny Rodriguez even.
Come to think of it, maybe I'll just keep this idea for myself, retire from writing and go into business as a Freddy Hart impersonator. "E-E-E-E-E-asy Lovin, s-o-o sexy lookin."
What do you think?
Speaking of doing things twice, how long d'ya think it'll be before Nashville goes completely Hollywood and we start hearing sequels to hit songs?`Something along the lines of "The Day the Lights Came on in Georgia" or Tammy Wynette finally following up "D-I-V-O-R-C-E" with "A-L-I-M-O-N-Y."
How I would love to be Patty Loveless's manager when that happens. "Patty," I'd say, "I've got the perfect follow-up to "You Can Feel Bad." Listen to this: "You Can Feel Terrible If It Makes You Feel Wonderful."
Or if you don't think that makes a powerful enough statement, how about "You Can Feel Desperately Suicidally Depressed if it Makes You Feel Walking-on-Cloud-Nine Euphoric."