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1-800-HAS BEEN

Country Musings by Robert Loy, November 2003

For only $19.95 you can browse your way over to www.hollywoodiscalling.com and get your favorite celebrity to call you at home on the telephone. Well, as long as your favorite celebrity is someone like OJ's pal Kato Kaelin or Greg Evigan (of the "BJ and the Bear" TV show) or Ron Palillo (Horshak on "Welcome Back, Kotter)

I don't want to say these are B-list celebrities, but it's probably safe to say that the reason they have time to chat on the phone with perfect strangers is because they're not overly busy fighting off hordes of script-wielding directors or polishing up their Oscar acceptance speeches.

But it got me thinking. Why doesn't country music do something similar?

Somebody could probably make a mint off www.nashvilleiscalling.com.

I'd probably be one of their best customers. I'd rather just hang on to my pretty new pink and blue 20 dollar bill than listen to Kathy Garver complain about Buffy and Jody and Mr. French, but I'd gladly fork it over for a chance to chat with Johnny Rodriguez. I'd ask him if that story about him being discovered after barbecuing a stolen goat was true, and I'd ask him if he remembered seeing me - I was the only male in a throng of autograph seekers one night in Charleston S.C. during his heyday.

I'd love to talk to the Pirates of the Mississippi and find out if they're making enough money to feed Jake.

I'd like to talk to Terri Gibbs and find out how the weather's been on Mars or whatever planet she emigrated to after the CMA's first horizon award in 1981. I'd also like to talk to Holly Dunn and find how much the pawnshop gave her for her Horizon award.

Come to think of it, this idea is too good to give away. I'm going to start the Nashville is Calling business myself.

So, if you're a country star whose career has turned into a black hole or gone nova give me a call, I think I can help us both out.

What do you say, Billy Ray?

Are you listening, Lorrie?

The views expressed in this column are Robert Loy's and do not necessarily reflect those of CST.