David Allan Coe: an open letter to the mysterious rhinestone cowboy

Dear David Allan Coe,
I wish I had told you this sooner, but I still want you to know that I think "You Never Called Me By My Name" was indeed the perfect country and western song.

Unfortunately, the accent has to be on the word "was." Country music has changed a lot in the last few years. Nowadays, you never hear anybody on the radio singing about trains or trucks or Ð heaven forbid Ð drinking alcoholic beverages or going to prison. They never sing about their mama either. (But this is understandable; since they started cloning country singers, most of them don't even have mamas.)

So "You Never Called Me By My Name" is not the perfect country and western song Ð not any more Ð cuz it doesn't say anything at all about murdering a mean mate or the "shake" of someone's rear or any pseudo-philosophical malarkey (preferably with a "dance" metaphor) or crossing over to the big money pop charts.

So, with your permission, I'd like to suggest you add another verse to your song. The last verse could go like this here:
"Well, I was doing a metaphorical bootscoot boogie with life
The day I decided to kill my abusive ex-wife,
And I went to bump her off in the rain.
But before I could get my shaky butt there in my brand new Beemer,
I got run over by a damn old horde of hatted clones racing to climb up the pop charts."

If I can be of any further service, please let me know.

Sincerely,
Robert Loy