Looking for something trashier

I'll always love country music, but lately when I'm in the car it seems I spend all my time frantically punching buttons trying to find something by Patty Loveless or Lee Ann Womack - or just something that won't make me reach for that bottle of Dramamine stashed in the glove compartment. I'm finally convinced that my chances of being happy with modern country radio are about as good as Pamela Anderson Lee's chances of winning a lifetime achievement Oscar.

But there are other ways to have fun. One thing I like to do is listen to the first line of a song, then cut off the radio and write and sing a better song. (Considering what's coming out of Nashville these days, it ain't hard, believe me.) For instance, that song about "I Want to Know How Forever Feels," (it feels like listening to you sing , buddy, that's how it feels) starts off "Big...Orange...Ball." I turn it off there and pickup where he left off: "I guess that's why the fellows tease me in the locker room/Maybe I need to see my doctor."

(This never fails to crack me up - which probably goes to show that I'm spending way too much time in my car.)

I'll tell you more about this game - and other car radio diversions in an upcoming column. For now, I want you to know that there are ways to have fun with your favorite country singers at home too. I like to run the names of country singers through my computer spell-checker. (No reason, just for the heck of it.) Reba McEntire becomes Red-eye Mackerel. Ty Herndon becomes Try Hurting. Dwight Yoakum can be Drought Yokel. Joe Diffie and Suzy Bogguss are Joe Daffy and Suzy Bogus (just as you've always suspected). And my favorite, Trisha Yearwood, which my spell checker suggests might be more properly spelled Trashier Yearning.

If you have a good enough word processor this can be hours of fun. Well, maybe not hours of fun, but it's better than having big orange balls.