Where have all the scandals gone?

When did country music get so gosh-darn wholesome? Many of today's top stars have only been married once and jailed not at all. Heck, they probably help little old ladies across the street.

It wasn't this dull back in the bad old days. See if you can remember which stars titillated the tabloids with the following scandals. Answers are at the bottom.

1. Was carried off the stage in a straitjacket after quacking his hits in his best Donald Duck voice.

2. Renounced Christianity and delved into past-life regressions and seances.

3. Drunkenly lit the card naming John Denver as Entertainer of the Year on fire at the CMA awards.

4. Posed - at age 50 - for the men's magazine Oui.

5. Walked offstage and spanked a six-year old girl for allegedly sticking her tongue out at him.

6. Arrested for stealing and barbecuing three goats.

7. One of his wives chased him naked through a graveyard with a knife.

8. Drunkenly shot up the National Life Building with a .357 Magnum.

9. Ended his burglary career by misjudging the time and breaking through the roof of a bar that was still open.

10. Shot a man in the head during an argument over how to prepare turtle meat.

11. Became addicted to pain pills after being attacked by an ostrich.

12. Has had two wives die under mysterious circumstances - one the day after she threatened to leave him and one before she was to receive her divorce settlement.

13. Her home was broken into 17 times in 9 months. She was kidnapped and beaten (though many believe she staged the event herself).

14. Flushed thousands of dollars down the toilet in a drug-induced paranoid rage.

ANSWERS 1. George Jones
2. Loretta Lynn
3. Charlie Rich
4. Dottie West
5. Faron Young
6. Johnny Rodriguez
7. Willie Nelson
8. Ernest Tubb
9. Merle Haggard
10. Johnny Paycheck
11. Johnny Cash
12. Jerry Lee Lewis AKA "The Killer"
13. Tammy Wynette
14. George Jones again

Oh, and if anybody has an extra copy of the Dottie West issue of Oui, call me; there's some . . .um . . .articles in there I want to read. Yeah, that's it, articles.