Talk back to your radio

If you're like me, you're probably tired of reading editorials here and elsewhere bemoaning the sorry state of today's Hot New Country radio. Not that you're particularly pleased with much of the putrid pap the programmers pick for their playlists.

Quite the contrary, but you're wise enough to realize it's a waste of time. Country radio is not going to change - at least not for the better. As someone - either Confucius or Hank Williams - once said, the more things change, the more they get worse.

Which is not to say that you can't have fun with your radio. When I'm cruising in my Edsel, I hit all the country buttons looking for a good song (which usually turns out to be something by Patty Loveless). But if I can't find a groovy tune, well, my philosophy is if radio is going to insult my intelligence, I'll do the same to it. For example, every time that chap moans, "I could go and on, but that's another song," I always tell him, "Well, I certainly hope it's better than this one." Then I punch the station button searching for Patty.

Here's a transcript of a recent ride:

RADIO: I'm running out of reasons to run...

ME: What a coincidence. I'm running out of reasons to listen to this station. (Punch the button!)

RADIO: I never liked the rain till I walked through it with you...

ME: Ah, you're all wet. (Punch!)

RADIO: This ain't no thinkin' thing...

ME: Obviously. If you'd thought about it, you wouldn't have released something so brainless. (Punch!)

RADIO: It's all right to be little-bitty...

ME: Good, cuz I'm a little-bitty bit sick to my stomach... (Punch!)

RADIO: I try to think about Elvis, Memphis, Oprah in the afternoon...

ME: Ahhh, Patty.